The physical book has been sitting on Mt. TBR for quite a while now, long enough that I've forgotten exactly how I came to possess it. It hasn't been registered with BookCrossing, and it doesn't have any store tags, so maybe it was a library sale find. Anyway, I rented the audio of this title, and I took the last few days to give it a listen. I have to say that I'm glad I have a hard copy, because there was just too much information for me to assimilate and remember it all.
Aron covers most of the major areas of life (and has written a few other books to elaborate on children and relationships): I found it to be pretty comprehensive, and hence useful in dealing with my own combination of sensitivities (I scored fairly high on her checklist). Someday, I want to go back and take a slower time with the book, and to pull some of the better quotes for further exploration.
Elaine Aron's site
Showing posts with label self-help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-help. Show all posts
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Babyproofing Your Marriage, by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill, and Julia Stone
I made the mistake of reading a few other reviews (and the resulting "I agree with you" commentary) before I cracked the spine on this book. Even though I had the negative impressions of the reviewers hoping to influence my own, I managed to find Babyproofing only marginally helpful for my own reasons.
Cockrell, O'Neill, and Stone come from and speak to a limited audience, which makes sense for book sales, but not as much for giving the self-help genre timeless and universal material. I realize that I'm crafting a fairly tall order for a book that isn't required to be more than the flavor of the month. Their suggestions may work just fine for those who are otherwise psychologically healthy; in my opinion, the healthy ones don't need this book, and parents who are dealing with some dysfunction will be frustrated with the authors' attitudes.
The authors state that "the sex issue" was the main prompt for their efforts to write this book. Amongst other suggestions, they propose using "the 5-minute fix" to satisfy one's husband's needs for the oh-so-small sacrifice of "mild feelings of compromising yourself." And that is where they lost me. I personally find that particular act to be demeaning on a high order. I don't like the idea of being a step up from what my husband can do for himself. I get no pleasure in pretending to be a porn actress. The times I have complied, I have never reaped any of the benefits the authors claim to exist on their little chart. While this "fix" may work for people who have come through life without having suffered/survived abuse via sex, it is at worst a reliving of a painful past and at best an insult to those of us who didn't escape what can be rightly called an epidemic.
As I was reading Babyproofing Your Marriage, I'd mention certain ideas to my husband. He scorned most of them, and after several attempts to communicate, I had to give up in order to keep the peace. Would this book have been more helpful if read before our son had been born? I find it hard to believe so.
The authors did have some good things to say about relationships with the new grandparents (although, thank goodness, very little of it has applied to our situation), having another child, and hope for the future. I especially appreciated that the authors (finally) included the best news I've heard in a long time: two-thirds of unhappy marriages right themselves within 5 years. If we (myself and my husband) can analogize this early childhood experience with a particularly challenging degree program, I think it will help us get through our rough patch.
Cockrell, O'Neill, and Stone come from and speak to a limited audience, which makes sense for book sales, but not as much for giving the self-help genre timeless and universal material. I realize that I'm crafting a fairly tall order for a book that isn't required to be more than the flavor of the month. Their suggestions may work just fine for those who are otherwise psychologically healthy; in my opinion, the healthy ones don't need this book, and parents who are dealing with some dysfunction will be frustrated with the authors' attitudes.
The authors state that "the sex issue" was the main prompt for their efforts to write this book. Amongst other suggestions, they propose using "the 5-minute fix" to satisfy one's husband's needs for the oh-so-small sacrifice of "mild feelings of compromising yourself." And that is where they lost me. I personally find that particular act to be demeaning on a high order. I don't like the idea of being a step up from what my husband can do for himself. I get no pleasure in pretending to be a porn actress. The times I have complied, I have never reaped any of the benefits the authors claim to exist on their little chart. While this "fix" may work for people who have come through life without having suffered/survived abuse via sex, it is at worst a reliving of a painful past and at best an insult to those of us who didn't escape what can be rightly called an epidemic.
As I was reading Babyproofing Your Marriage, I'd mention certain ideas to my husband. He scorned most of them, and after several attempts to communicate, I had to give up in order to keep the peace. Would this book have been more helpful if read before our son had been born? I find it hard to believe so.
The authors did have some good things to say about relationships with the new grandparents (although, thank goodness, very little of it has applied to our situation), having another child, and hope for the future. I especially appreciated that the authors (finally) included the best news I've heard in a long time: two-thirds of unhappy marriages right themselves within 5 years. If we (myself and my husband) can analogize this early childhood experience with a particularly challenging degree program, I think it will help us get through our rough patch.
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