Punk Rock Dad (Jim Lindberg)

Lindberg and I are about the same age, but I missed out completely on the Punk movement. I’m sure it didn’t help that I grew up in a small town on the opposite end of the state (our musical influences were different), nor did my low social status with my peer group (the cooler people were such partly because they listened to the “right” music). I decided to review this for the Blogher virtual book tour anyway, because the notion of rebels raising the next generation was just too interesting to pass up. Also, the fact that it is written from a father’s point of view made for a very different sort of parenting book.

In general, this book was a great read. The author’s voice is articulate without being over-intellectual, he uses vivid examples from his own childhood to illustrate his points, and he even gives the reader a solid, concise history of American music. I’d recommend this to any Generation X-er, whether their life has directed them to “sell out” or not (at least, in regards to having kids, a mortgage, and life insurance). I’d considered registering this on BookCrossing for a wild release, but I’m rethinking that. I believe I will hang on to this for a while, and perhaps loan it out to friends before I let it find another home.

These were the most thought-provoking passages, or those that I found noteworthy enough to pull for further discussion:

“With overpopulation and the lack of good health care, it’s actually great that some people choose not to have kids, but for many of us, it can be the one thing that gives you a shot at true happiness in what can otherwise seem like a cold, forbidding world, and it may even help you begin to finally accept some of the responsibilities you’ve been actively rebelling against your whole life.”

“We wanted to find out in advance just so we’d know what color to paint the baby’s room and what kind of clothes to buy and also to save ourselves from any type of unexpected spontaneous response in the delivery room if we didn’t get what we were secretly hoping for. I didn’t want the kid to come out and have the first words it hears be, ‘Oh, crap!’”

“When I wrote songs about wanting to change the world, I meant it more than ever, because now there was a lot more than my own miserable future at stake, and that something needed its diaper changed regularly and food put on the table every day.”

“We older folk are the ones who repress the biological need to let out a good long wail every once in a while, which is why most of us turn to therapy or alcohol or become lead singers in punk bands so we can scream our lungs raw every night. We all need to bitch and complain about the world and our predicaments in it--babies just have a better way of vocalizing it.”

“When a guy is sitting around not saying anything, most women will have to ask them what they are thinking about. You should never tell them the truth: that your mind is a swirl of pornography, sports scores, food, and a constant running down of a list of people you’d like to punch in the mouth. They want you to say that you’re thinking about her and how wonderful she is, and that you were trying to come up with ways to make your relationship more romantic, and just wishing you two had more time to cuddle.”

“Punk rock, in all its nihilistic glory, somehow became the catalyst that helped close the generation gap, probably due to the fact that many of the people from our generation saw growing up and taking on responsibility as selling out and giving up, and have tried to hold on to their youthful looks that much longer.”

“Thumbing our noses at people in authority and derailing their power trips are how we take back some of the control for ourselves. Kids come with this impulse preinstalled, so it’s up to us to know how to handle it.”

“Respect for authority needs to earned. My kids will hopefully respect our authority as long as we set a good example and treat them like human beings instead of little cretins to be molded into whatever image we think they should be shaped into. They’e still going to test the boundaries daily, it’s in their genes. A parent becomes cool by considering their kids’ point of view and by remembering back to when we were little punks and how shitty it felt when no one gave a crap about our opinions. When you have to lay down the law, you do it by setting boundaries beforehand, explaining the reasons why things are the way they are, and then doling out consistent humane discipline so they can learn a lesson they won’t have to repeat a hundred times. If I can somehow manage this, maybe then they won’t one day write a song about what a terrible dad i was.”

This is a review of a complimentary copy of a book provided by Harper Collins. No other incentive has been made that would influence this writer’s opinion of the book.

Books finished, books acquired

I'm finally done with Good Kids, Bad Habits and Happiest Toddler on the Block (reviews to follow) so I can start reading something for the non-fiction challenge. Once I finish listening to Back Roads (1 1/2 tapes to go), I'll start another for the Once Upon a Time Challenge. I also need to start reading another for the BlogHer Virtual Book Tour. I'm way behind on those.

I received the following when I held my Spring Swap this weekend:

The Deep End (Joy Fielding)
Wilderness (Dennis Danvers)
Night Thunder (Ruby Jean Jensen)
Shaitan (Max Ehrlich)
Wilding (Melanie Tem)
Dream Makers, v.2 (Charles Platt)
Berserker Base (various)
Neena Gathering (Valerie Nieman Colander)
Castle Perilous, Castle for Rent, Castle Kidnapped (John DeChancie)
Caught in Crystal (Patricia C. Wrede)
Sunwaifs (Sydney J. van Scyoc)
Sorceress of Darshiva (David Eddings)
The Citadel of Chaos (Steve Jackson)
Men in Black (Steve Perry)

plus others listed elsewhere...these were the best of the sci-fi/fantasy/horror mix.

One of these days, I will write some long-overdue reviews and send some more books out of the house. I can't get back into trading on the BookCrossing forums until I make good on books I owe people. If I could have 4 good (interrupted) days of writing/typing and package prep, I could get all that out of the way and clear off some shelves.

Babyproofing Your Marriage, by Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O'Neill, and Julia Stone

I made the mistake of reading a few other reviews (and the resulting "I agree with you" commentary) before I cracked the spine on this book. Even though I had the negative impressions of the reviewers hoping to influence my own, I managed to find Babyproofing only marginally helpful for my own reasons.

Cockrell, O'Neill, and Stone come from and speak to a limited audience, which makes sense for book sales, but not as much for giving the self-help genre timeless and universal material. I realize that I'm crafting a fairly tall order for a book that isn't required to be more than the flavor of the month. Their suggestions may work just fine for those who are otherwise psychologically healthy; in my opinion, the healthy ones don't need this book, and parents who are dealing with some dysfunction will be frustrated with the authors' attitudes.

The authors state that "the sex issue" was the main prompt for their efforts to write this book. Amongst other suggestions, they propose using "the 5-minute fix" to satisfy one's husband's needs for the oh-so-small sacrifice of "mild feelings of compromising yourself." And that is where they lost me. I personally find that particular act to be demeaning on a high order. I don't like the idea of being a step up from what my husband can do for himself. I get no pleasure in pretending to be a porn actress. The times I have complied, I have never reaped any of the benefits the authors claim to exist on their little chart. While this "fix" may work for people who have come through life without having suffered/survived abuse via sex, it is at worst a reliving of a painful past and at best an insult to those of us who didn't escape what can be rightly called an epidemic.

As I was reading Babyproofing Your Marriage, I'd mention certain ideas to my husband. He scorned most of them, and after several attempts to communicate, I had to give up in order to keep the peace. Would this book have been more helpful if read before our son had been born? I find it hard to believe so.

The authors did have some good things to say about relationships with the new grandparents (although, thank goodness, very little of it has applied to our situation), having another child, and hope for the future. I especially appreciated that the authors (finally) included the best news I've heard in a long time: two-thirds of unhappy marriages right themselves within 5 years. If we (myself and my husband) can analogize this early childhood experience with a particularly challenging degree program, I think it will help us get through our rough patch.